The Back Door

by Balls Deep In Your Stepmom

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credits

released July 1, 2013

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Balls Deep In Your Stepmom Vancouver, British Columbia

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Track Name: In Orbit Deserved
Over sunlight & sky
Under moonlight & stars
I’m never from where you are
I’m never far from you
Or what you want me to

Looking down at the Earth
I’m in orbit deserved
But I can pinpoint where you are
I can still feel your heart
I’m coming home to you

I’ll try to land next to you

Passing down through the clouds
All of our memories loud
Here I am coming back to you
Like we were 22 and everything was new

I’m coming back to you
I’ll try to land next to you
I’m coming back to you
I’ll try to land next to you
Track Name: No Water In The Canteen
No water in the canteen to cool the burn in my eyes
I walked across the desert until the water was dry

I could not see that I would be the end of you
I could not lead without belief or without you
I couldn’t stop the burning sun from hating you
Now all that’s left is just the rest of me for you

No water in the canteen to replace the tears in my eyes
You were only 33 but when you left it was like 2 of us died

I could not see that I would be the end of you
I could not lead without belief or without you
Track Name: Sightlines
I’m seeing clearly
I’m seeing clearly now

I’m seeing clearly
I’m seeing clearly now
I’m seeing clearly
I’m seeing clearly now

I can see right through to you
I can see right through to you
I can see right through to you
I can see right through to you

I’m seeing clearly
You’re still running away
I’m feeling dirty
I wish you’d only stay

What did I do to get through into you?
What if my inside’s all outside of you?
Too proud to beg but I’m too wound to lose
I’m trying to find the words but it’s hard to choose.
Track Name: Unbreakable
Sit
Sit and wait
And wait
And wait…
Sit…..sit and wait…..

You’re breaking the rules
But I am following you
There is no length I won’t go
There is no tie that will hold
There is nothing you can do
To keep me from you

Sit and wait…
Sit and wait………….
Sit and wait……………………….
Sit and wait for me

You’re breaking the rules
But both my eyes are on you
There is no move you can make
To put an end to this game
There is nothing you can do
To keep me from you
To keep me from you

There is no time to confess
Or get this weight off my chest
There is nothing you can do
To keep me from you
Track Name: I Exist For U
December 5th 2000 and 4
I remember driving in your car
Passing by closed stores and open bars
I found my way into your heart
And now it’s 8 years later 2012
The way you speak still makes me melt and
Now, how could I describe everything that I’ve felt?
My heart is locked inside your cell

How would my life be without you here?
That will always be my worst fear
One I’ll never realize if you stay near
This love we have is our career
When it’s 8 years later, looking back
I enjoyed every second that we had
You were what I was missing, you filled in the gaps
And you ignored my checkered past
Supportive, you have always been
You’re the only one that I really let in
You don’t run away scared, or even miss
A single word and I exist

I exist
For u
I exist
Only…only…for u
Track Name: The Grind
I, I, I, I’m stuck in the grind
I’m doing my time but I’m trying to find a reason why
I’ve been wasting my time
I’ve been telling you lies so I could try to hide the meanings deep inside

Oh oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?
Oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?

Could you decipher the code?
I wrote a note to you, I tried to explain what I’m going through
But I was wasting your time
With a page full of lies that I have tried my best to write the truth disguised

Oh oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?
Oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?

I,I,I,I’m stuck in the grind
I’m doing my time living inside my mind deep inside
But I’m still wasting my time, I’m still questioning why
When I have tried so hard to only realize

Oh oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?
Oh oh-oh oh
Could you be my reason why?
Track Name: Dark Blue House
You will live in a dark blue house
With a storm cloud in your mouth
Over judgements spoken loud
They don’t care what you think about

They don’t care what you think about

You will live in a dark blue house
All alone but you’re not let down
Track Name: The Winter's Divide
20 miles that I could
Walk along beside you
But you could come with me
It would be just like it used to be before

Your sapphire eyes say
It could never be the same
And as I watched tears fall
I wondered how
I never saw them once before

Or that look on your face…

I have found
Another way to get out
Away from you now
And I have lost
What can never be found
Am I losing you now?
Am I losing you now?

The way I see it now is
So much different than I
Felt when we were through
The things I said & things that I would do

And your last letter said,
“I think this for the best”
Ended so tragically...
I wondered how these cold words ever find the heat

Do you feel?
Do you feel?
Do you feel?
Do you feel?
Do you feel?
Do you feel?
Do you feel me now?

You have found
Your way to get out
Your way to get out and run from me
I can’t stop
All my cryings aloud
The silence makes them way too loud
Track Name: To Sleep
It’s time to separate
It’s time to celebrate, c’mon
This moment will not wait
For tomorrows just todays, I know
I must start breaking out I know
I can’t keep breaking down, c’mon
I can’t keep making plans when I
Can’t read the legends I design

Here we go…
No time to sit and wait
I’ve got to change the game I’ve played
It’s tired just the same
No tomorrow repeat today, I know
It’s up to me to change I know
I just can’t be the same old me
I can’t keep waking up when I
Have never gone to sleep

I need to realize this dream
I need to realize this dream
Track Name: How Far Could It Go?
“It’s not so simple now,” she said, oh-oh
“I’ve got these pictures in my head, you know?”
I could see the end and how it went, oh-oh
2 kids a car, a picket fence...
Oh-no
Oh-no

But I’d do it all again for you
But I’d do it all again for you
But I’d do it all again for you
But I’d do it all again for you

“This changes everything,” she said, oh-oh
“I still see you with me in my bed, you know?”
I hit the message send and out it goes, oh-oh
The morning comes and it’s time to find my clothes...
Oh-no
Oh-no
Track Name: I Thought I Knew...
Driving home in the snow could lead back to you
Come inside by the fireplace to the place you knew

I thought I knew
I thought I could love you too
I thought that we could be
A miraculous recovery

I thought I knew
I thought you could love me too
I thought I knew
I thought I knew….

Driving home in the snow could lead back to you
Come inside by the fireplace cause I still want you
I still want you

I thought I knew
I thought I could love you too
I thought that we would be
A genuine discovery
I thought I knew
I thought you could love me too
I thought I knew, uh huh
I thought I knew….
Track Name: Too Many Shovels
And like an earthquake you break inside
You’re coming down from sky to ground
And it’s gonna take you all in time
You’ll see that I have been too right

In your head I could be just like you

And like a heartbreak you die inside
There’s nothing left to compromise
And it’s really fake, these plastic smiles
You’ll see that I have molded mine

You crossed a line……
You…..you…….

In your head
I could be just like you
In your head
In your head
I could be just like you
In your head
In your head
I could be just like you
I could be just like you….
I could be just like you….
I could be just like you….
I could be just like you….
Track Name: Attending Funerals
I’m attending funerals
Don’t ask me to get up and speak I can’t
The fading lights they hide from me
Physical telepathy in a world I understand
This is a world I understand
And I speak for the dead

I’m attending funerals
Don’t ask me for your time because I can’t….
The caskets and the families
All serve to remind me
Of a world I understand
This is a world I understand
And I speak for the dead
I speak for the dead
I speak for the dead
I speak for the dead
Track Name: How I Remember That Day
Intact like a heart attack
I wish that I could bring back
All of our summer plans
Buried in the sand
When you and I walked hand in hand

Silently, you looked at me
You were puzzling what to make of me
I was all up in your head
You formulate the plan
We walk together holding hands

And every time you look at me I blush
And I didn’t think I could love someone so much

And it rained that night we held each other close
Under the stars tonight, you’re all that I can see
And all the things that we collected on our own
We can exchange and we can change to be complete

We can exchange and we can change to suit our needs
We’ll rearrange all of this strange insanity

Wedding day, given away
I think it was the best day
That I’m ever going to have
I’ll never forget your dad
The way he looked or smile he had

Silently, he had given me
All of the advice I’d need
While you were busy with the guests
I’ll never forget what he said
“I think this is as good as it gets!”

And now every time it’s silent I go there.

And it rained that night we held each other close
Under the stars tonight, you’re all that I can see
All of the things that we’ve been scared of on our own
Will go away with vows exchanged when we’re married
When we’re married

Will go away with vows exchanged when we’re married
When we’re married
Track Name: Unlikely
Would you notice me if I let out a scream?
If I told you a secret, as if you’d know what I mean...
But I was thinking that you could do it better than me
Yeah I was blinking and you...you could do it better than me

Notice me, maybe see how I bleed
If I told you a secret you would be dead just like me
But I was thinking that you could send a message for me
Yeah I was thinking that you could do it better than me
Oh, unlikely
Unlikely
Unlikely
Unlikely

Would you notice me, I’ve been blowing off steam
If I told you a secret I know it would make you scream
I’m always thinking that you could do it better than me
I’m always wishing that you could just do better than me
However, unlikely

I’m always thinking that you could do it better than me
I’m always wishing that you could just do better than me
However, unlikely
Track Name: You Used Me Up
Sing along
Let your light shine on
You belong
Right between these arms

I can see now that you used me up
And I can breathe now that I am free from you

Sing along
Don’t have to be alone
You belong
I’ll never let you go
When I’m out of place
I’m still at home with you
And I just wanted to stay
Far away from you

Cause I can see now that you used me up
And I can breathe now that I am free from you

I can see now that you used me up
Track Name: Nothing Means Anything
I look at my hands like mistakes
Nothing means anything but this could be everything to me
A simple direction of change when I’ve lost my mobility
But this could mean everything to me

Oh oh oh
I may have lost my sensibility but this could mean everything to me
Oh oh oh
And if I’ve lost my credibility then nothing will mean anything to me

Nothing will mean anything to me

I’m losing my voice in the rain
Shouting and calling you
Yelling at the universe “I have changed!”
And I have
Oh, I have changed for you...

I may have lost it temporarily but I will get it back again you’ll see
And with our backs against the wall you’ll see that nothing can mean anything to me

What can I say to be with you again?
Nothing means anything
But you are the everything to me
But if you want it, I will walk away from you

Because I may lose you temporarily but I will get you back again you’ll see
And when you think there’s nothing left you’ll see that nothing can mean anything to me
Track Name: You Were Meant For Me
I’m climbing up and over
I won’t come down until you see
Oh, that you belong to me
You belong to me
You were meant for me

I’m pulling wool right over
Both of your eyes so you can’t see
Oh, and you would drive with me
Away, the snow falling...
And you were meant for me
You were meant for me

I’m trying to get over
But I’m over-tired and I can’t sleep
Oh, what is wrong with me?
Why can’t I just believe?
That you were meant for me
You were meant for me